Relationship Red Flag: 12 warning signs that she is not for you

What are the warning signs that she is not for you?

“Is Mary the right woman for me?

I’m Joseph and I met this beautiful lady during NYSC. We have since been dating for 2 years and counting. I and Mary have been getting along well. At least we try- there is no relationship without its fair share of drama.

We have shared moments- played, prayed, partied, gisted, travelled, and many more.

My friends and family know Mary but most of them are not cool with her. They think she’s not right for me.  

I’ve tried explaining to them how good she can be, even though she has her shortcomings- hello! Who doesn’t? 

But it seems as if justifying Mary’s acts changed nothing about their thoughts. They think I’m blinded to the truth because of love and they hope I’ll receive sense soon.

I don’t give a damn of what the world thinks about my relationship- it’s my relationship!

But I feel I’m gradually growing apart from my friends while trying to satisfy my girlfriend.

Deep down, I feel dating someone shouldn’t affect my relationship with others, especially my close pals.

I plan to marry Mary, regardless because we’ve come a long way but I fear that I might make a wrong choice in marriage. 

How can I tell that Mary is not for me?”

Sadly, many guys have been in Joseph’s shoes at some point.

For some, they paid attention to these relationship red flags and fled when they had the chance.

Some other guys noticed the signs but chose to ignore them to marry the lady with the hope that things will get better.

Worst case is the guys that are yet to realize these warning signs. 

In some cases, she may be a good girlfriend. 

But she may not just be compatible with you for a long-term relationship due to too many differences in lifestyle, beliefs, cultural background, plans, etc.

So if you are sceptical about your future with her, check below for some warning signs that she is not for you.

1. She gives you no freedom

Ever since you’ve started dating her, it feels like the two of you are the only ones existing on planet earth. 

One of the warning signs is that she doesn’t allow you to hang out with your friends or gives you more time with family. She either gets angry or makes you feel guilty for hanging out with the guys. 

A good lady will allow you to spend time with your pals and understand that it helps to boost your mental health, as well as your relationship. 

2. You defend her in the presence of your friends

It is not always easy coming under fire by your friends because they think you may have made the wrong choice in dating your girlfriend. 

Some might even want to avoid you because they are not comfortable with her presence. Then you will keep justifying her to your friends of how lovely and nice she is. 

Even after doing so, they don’t buy it and then you feel like “na only me waka come”. 

If the goodness in her can only be seen by you, then you should think deeply about the future of your relationship. 

3. Blackmails you emotionally

She always turns the table around on you- that’s one of the warning signs for a serious relationship. She makes you feel bad and guilty for everything- like you are a villain, while she is the angel. She never admits to bad behaviour or even apologizes. 

When you have to engage in long arguments just to convince her that she is wrong and should feel remorseful, then it’s something to worry about if you want forever with her. 

4. You don’t see your future with her

Watch out for your conversations, career, and choices. 

Does she always reason A while you reason Z? You might want to re-evaluate that relationship. 

You might be happy at the moment in the relationship, but do you see yourself staying with her forever with your huge differences?

If you think you can cope then it’s fine to move to the next level with her. 

Researchers have agreed that partners who share the same/complimenting life goals and values have a stronger relationship and are happier than those who don’t. 

5. Arguments become a norm for you

couples arguing

It’s completely normal to argue every once in a while. In fact, it helps to strengthen the relationship- we disagree to agree, hello! 

But if your disagreement surpasses your happy moments, then its a warning sign. In a healthy relationship, you both shouldn’t be arguing over important matters. 

It’s a red flag if your perspectives about life are at the opposite sides of a pole. There must be a place of understanding and respect in a healthy relationship. 

6. You feel the need to change her

Are there a lot of things you want to change about your lover? 

Both of you are not on the same page- perspectives, religion, habits, attitude, beliefs, etc. She also might want to change you, as she doesn’t like a lot of things about you. It’s a bad sign. 

A study proves that a happy relationship should have positive to negative interactions on a ratio of 5:1 respectively.

On the long run, you will feel frustrated if you didn’t succeed at transforming her to your taste. 

7. Warning signs- She is Violent

Cookie Lyon slapping her man

Several studies show that women are likely to initiate domestic violence than men. Most women are quick to dish out slap to their guys (just pray that he’s a gentleman). 

Yes! This is a sure red flag. It is not only the men that can be violent, but we also have violent women. 

Her punches and hits may not hurt, but she always get violent whenever you argue, my guy, it’s a warning sign. One day, she could point a gun or knife at you. 

Related Article: Don’t agree to be his girlfriend before knowing these signs

8. She belittles and criticizes you

When she is always in the habit of putting you down or making to feel lesser, it’s a warning sign. This will take a big toll on your self-esteem and confidence. 

In a healthy relationship, there should be a place for mutual support, constructive criticism, flattery, and compliments. 

When she calls you stupid, dumb, lazy, childish, and more, that will affect your mental health over time. 

Most times it’s her way of making you suffer for her insecurities. 

9. She’s always unavailable

When a woman loves you, she will always be there for you. In her busy schedules, she will create time to be with you.

If any time you need her, she isn’t there physically and even emotionally, that’s a warning sign. She may not be into you. 

10. She is only nice to you

You can get a clue of who a person is from the way they treat strangers, especially those that are lower in status. When you are together, how does she talk to waiters, bank cashiers, security, etc.? 

As the relationship gets more serious, you will likely meet her family- the people she is most comfortable with. Pay close attention to how she relates with them as that will determine how she will relate with you in marriage. 

Don’t be fooled by how sweet and heavenly she treats you. It could be a strategy to lure you into marrying her, after when you will see her true colours. 

11. She hardly appreciates anything

If you are the type that gives a fuck about appreciation, this could hurt.

Whenever you offer small or huge favours/gifts, she finds it difficult to say THANK YOU. Most times she feels entitled to the things you do for her and doesn’t care if you go out of your way to do a favour for her.

12. Your instincts tell you so

There is nothing more comforting like following your instincts and doing what your heart tells you- It always works. 

You might like her and have put in your best to make the relationship work, but you just know in your heart of hearts that she is not the one. It is a warning sign. 

Do you feel like someone else around her? When you think about the future with her, you are not at peace, then you should consider taking a big step to leave that relationship. She is not for you! 

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